


Feelings

by floatingshadow



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Coming Out, Consent Issues, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, Lots of Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Mike Wheeler Loves Will Byers, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:07:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26520385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/floatingshadow/pseuds/floatingshadow
Summary: Mike laughed bitterly, putting his face in his hands as he leaned against the table.“I thought he did. I think he does. I don’t know.”“Which explains the kiss.”“Maybe.”
Relationships: Robin Buckley & Mike Wheeler, Will Byers/Mike Wheeler
Comments: 12
Kudos: 46





	Feelings

“Hey. Are you okay?”

Mike heard the diner booth's pleather cushions squeak in protest as Robin sat down next to him. She gently tapped him on the shoulder.

“Hey. Mike. Michael.”

Mike sighed, his face still turned towards the window of the diner. It was getting dark. The streetlights were flickering on along the street.

“Hi Robin. Sorry, I just wanted some time alone. I didn’t think I'd see anyone here on Tuesday.”

Robin winced.

“Oh. Well. You just seemed a little... off? And I couldn’t just walk by and pretend I didn’t see you sitting here. I mean. I know we don’t actually know each other very well, but Steve talks about you guys all the time, and we used to let you into the theaters at the mall through the back of Scoops, and I see you whenever you stop by to get movies on weekends and…”

Mike cut off her nervous rambling with a short laugh.

“Ha. It’s fine. I get it. You think you know me because you see me around a lot.”

Mike turned away from the window to look back at Robin. He gave her a tight smile. His eyes were red, though, and his everything-is-fine-don’t-worry smile was not very convincing.

“Fine. You're right. We don't really know each other. Not really. But that means you can tell me anything you want, and you don't have to see me tomorrow and feel embarrassed about it.”

“Bullshit. I see you every weekend at the video store.”

“Well. I can always hide in the back! I'll let Steve help you at the front desk instead.”

“That'd be really stupid.”

“Yeah, you're right. Keith has better taste in movies. Steve sucks. He only got the job because I told Keith that he'd pack the store with hot ladies. Which he totally does."

Mike gave Robin another forced smile. (This one was even less convincing than the first. Definitely more of a grimace.)

“I can’t really talk about it. It wouldn’t be fair. It’s private stuff between me and somebody else. I really... I really messed up, Robin.”

Robin nodded. “I don't suppose you've already considered the "tell them you're sorry" option?”

“That’s... it's really not that simple. But thanks.”

“What makes it complicated?”

Irritation flared in Mikes eyes. Robin knew he was about to call her out for being too nosy, so she scrambled to clarify.

“I just mean… on an emotional level, what's going on? That you feel comfortable talking about? I swear you don’t need to tell me the specifics, but maybe if you help me understand a little, I can still help? Or at least listen? I know I can be super loud, and I know I can be really nosy, but I'm quite capable of being a very attentive listener too. Try me.”

The annoyance in Mike’s eyes was snuffed out and replaced by sadness again. He looked so completely lost and resigned and hopeless that Robin was suddenly struck by how ridiculous she was being. Hell. What was she thinking? Whatever Mike was dealing with, it seemed heavier than the usual high school drama. Maybe it wasn't something he wanted to share with the random film nerd that worked at all the dead-end jobs in town. He's right. They're mostly strangers, and wouldn't know of each other at all if it weren't for Steve. Maybe she had no business poking into Mike's business. What did she know about anything he might be dealing with? Jack shit, that's what.

“Robin. You like girls, right?” Mike whispered.

Oh.

“Uh. Yea. Did Steve tell you that?”

Mike shook his head.

“Not exactly. Not directly. But I sort-of... deduced it. This is a small town. And. Well. I told my mom I'm gay last year. And I told my… I told some of my friends a few months ago. And I think Steve found out I was queer from Dustin, and something Steve said to me the other day when talking about you helped me put two and two together. He was trying to be supportive, and he said something really dumb. He didn’t mean to be rude or anything, he was just being… y’know...”

“Being Steve.”

“Yeah. Being Steve.”

Robin tugged the laminated menu from behind the napkin holder, and opened it up to a page with a giant picture of a waffle on it.

Breakfast? No. Maybe not. Robin turned to the next page.

Mike eyed the empty basket of fries that he’d eaten earlier. He ran his fingers over the salt and oil along the bottom, and gently collected whatever little bits of flavor were left onto his hand. Robin wondered if he had skipped dinner at home so he could come out here and cry alone in an empty booth.

Probably.

“Do you mind if I order something? You want anything else after those fries? My treat.”

Mike looked down, embarrassed that she’d noticed him picking at the basket crumbs.

“Uh. I’m okay.”

“Sure. Just let me know if you change your mind.”

Mike nodded.

Robin waved at a waiter and ordered a basket of chicken fingers and another basket of fries. She also got a side of bacon and a slice of chocolate peanut butter cake.

Mike laughed.

“On a diet?”

“Yes. I call it the I-eat-what-I-want-so-shut-your-face diet.” Robin smirked.

Mike smiled. A real one this time. Good. At least she could get him to laugh at her.

“I’m glad you and Steve are friends. You're very... you're a lot more confident than he is, I think. He always seems so worried about what other people think of him.”

Robin laughed.

“Totally! Oh, god. He used to care so much about being popular. He was such an asshole. Which is ironic, because he also wanted everyone to like him. Mr. Cool. Mr. Funny. Always trying so damn hard to be something bigger than himself. And it worked for some people, I guess. But he wasn't happy. And now? Now I think he’s starting to relax a bit more and feel more comfortable being Steve.”

Mike’s expression sobered, and he turned his face away from her and gazed out the window at the neon diner road sign. Robin wondered if he was trying to hide the tears that suddenly showed up on the edges of his eyelashes again. Probably.

“Will kissed me last weekend.”

Will.

Robin thought for a moment.

Will. Mike’s friend. The one that Mike always sat with at the movies. The one that always seemed to watch Mike out of the corner of his eye even when Mike wasn’t the one speaking. The one that Robin had been wondering about for a while, but never said anything about because it was none of her business and she didn’t want Steve meddling in some young kid’s love life if she was wrong or if Steve didn’t know. She figured Steve didn’t know. He couldn’t, or he would have told her. Steve-logic told Steve that all the gays in Hawkins secretly knew each other. To Steve, being queer was like being a member of a secret club. Steve was a total dingus, but he meant well.

Robin shook herself out of her messy thoughts and nodded, acknowledging that she’d heard what Mike had said.

“Your friend Will. He kissed you.”

Mike nodded. He turned around to look at her again.

“Yeah.” Mike sniffed, and reached for a napkin.

Robin pushed her chocolate peanut butter cake towards Mike’s side of the table.

“Okay, I was wrong. There is absolutely no way I’m going to finish this by myself. You can thank me for my excellent company by helping me get rid of this.”

Mike sighed and picked up his fork.

“Yea. I know. It’s really hard, eating cake. Rough stuff. But I think you can do it. Tough guy like you!”

Robin hoped that her snark would cheer him up, but as Mike ate the piece of cake he looked even closer to bursting into tears.

“Will’s favorite candy is Reeses Pieces. Chocolate and peanut butter.”

Shit.

“Uh. Sorry about the cake, then. I didn’t know.”

Mike snorted, and then quickly grabbed another napkin and smushed it over his now tear-streaked face, wiping up the snot and the tears while hiding his eyes from view as Robin continued the conversation.

“So. Um. Will… kissed you last weekend. Got it.”

Robin decided that if she was going to make Mike cry, she might as well get the full story. Get him to talk and let his feelings out. Maybe talking about it would help him feel better, or maybe not. But it was worth a shot.

Mike nodded, napkin still held over his face like it would somehow stop his feelings from leaking out of his eyes and nose. “Yea, he did.”

“Did you.. um. Did you not want him to?”

Mike set the wet napkin down and stared at the remaining cake. He sighed.

“I think I’m in love with him. And I know that sounds really, really stupid. Crazy, even. And this is where you tell me that there’s other guys out there and other fish in the sea and all that bullshit. But I think… no. I _know_ that I’m in love with him. I tried screwing around with this other guy from school. I didn’t think that Will would ever want… would ever want me. So there was this other guy. He was nice. Super handsome. Dustin told me he’s probably the best looking guy in the entire state, and that all the girls in our class would hate to find out that he was more interested in kissing me than kissing them. But. He isn’t Will. Nobody could ever be Will. Will is just kind-of... well. He’s Will. And now after last weekend I ruined everything. We’ve been friends since we were five. We’ve always been there for each other, and I totally messed things up. I… I hurt him. I really hurt him Robin. Literally. And I don’t know what to do now, or if he’d even let me talk to him after everything that's happened at this point. We don’t really talk about our feelings anymore. Not after last year. I started screwing things up then, but I have most definitely screwed things up forever now. And I don't... I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do without him.”

Now Mike was tearing the napkin into little pieces and setting them on the table, one shred at a time. Fidgeting with the napkin seemed to help him calm down a bit.

Robin poked at the remaining peanut butter cake with a french fry, rolling it around in the chocolate icing as she thought over what Mike said.

“So what happened? Last weekend.”

Mike looked down at his hands.

“Will kissed me.”

Robin nodded. “Yes, you said that.”

“We were drunk.”

Oh. Okay. Teenage rebellion. Check.

“We were at a Halloween party. I’d gotten in a fight with that other guy I was kind-of messing around with. Told him we were done. Not like that, exactly. But I think he understood. Most people at the party didn’t know we were seeing each other, of course, but Dustin and Lucas knew and I think Will had figured it out. Or maybe he didn’t know. I don’t know. But I never told Will I was seeing him.”

“But Will knows you’re gay?”

“Yeah. Definitely. He was... Will was the first person I told after I told my mom.”

Ah.

“Because you’re in love with him?”

“... Yeah."

“Is that how you told him? Last year, when you… when you told everyone you were gay?”

“Sort-of. Well. No, not exactly. And I didn't tell everyone.”

“Fine. You know what I mean. How did you tell Will? What happened last year?”

“It didn’t go well. He got... angry? I should have known better. I should have just left things as they were, and not said anything. Just kept things normal and simple. But I thought… well. I thought he might have feelings for me, too? I was so stupid. I misunderstood everything. I saw how upset he’d been when I was dating El, and I thought that maybe he might... I thought that maybe if I told him that I was gay that he’d finally be okay talking about his feelings, too. And that everything would be okay again. And that maybe he might love me back. If I was lucky. But I was so, so stupid.”

“So he doesn’t?”

Mike laughed bitterly, putting his face in his hands as he leaned against the table.

“I thought he did. I think he does? I don’t know.”

“Which explains the kiss.”

“Maybe.”

“So. Last year Will got angry when you told him you were gay.”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

Mike sighed.

“He’s been bullied forever. For his whole life, really. His dad used to call him a fag all the time. It’s always been a really sensitive topic for him, and none of us would ever really talk about it except to push back at the assholes at school who were talking shit. When I told him I was gay, he thought that the reason I told him was because I thought he was gay too. That I’d just sort-of always thought that, or something. That I’d secretly thought of him as gay for all these years we'd been friends, and felt like I could tell him that I liked guys because of that. And that really pissed him off. So I yelled back at him to try to calm him down, and I tried to explain that he was totally wrong about all of that. God. He was so upset. And I was a complete moron and I thought that telling him my feelings for him would fix everything and that things would be fine and that he’d be… happy? Or something. I guess I was hoping that he loved me back, and I was so stupid and convinced that he did. So I told him that I loved him, and that I needed him to know that. And that I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore, and that I understood if he didn’t want to talk to me anymore but that I had to let him know and take that chance because I couldn’t keep pretending that my feelings weren’t there. And that I’d never assumed that he would feel the same, and that I understood he probably doesn’t like guys and that I never assumed he did, but that I just sort-of hoped he might return my feelings. But I couldn’t keep wondering. And I didn’t want to be alone anymore. And I couldn't keep pretending to be something I wasn't.”

“How did he take that?”

“He cursed me out and he ran off and he didn’t talk to me for a week.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah. Shit.”

“But you were still friends after that? Until this past weekend?”

“Yeah. It was totally weird. I felt bad every time I saw Will for a few weeks after that, but Will didn’t mention our fight and I didn’t want to mention it and upset him again. It was like it had never happened. But it did. And it’s not the sort of thing you forget. But Will didn’t ever mention it or apologize or ask for an apology from me or anything. It was strange, because some days when we were hanging out it would be like he’d completely forgotten about it. Like he had no memory of it at all.”

“Hmm.”

“I couldn’t forget about it. But it was like he did. And it felt so bad. It still feels bad. No talking about it. It really hurts. Just pretending that it never happened. Like I’d never told him that I was gay, or that I was in love with him. I just spilled my guts and all my feelings onto the floor, and after yelling at me for it he decided to forget it like it never happened. Like I hadn't shared all that with him. Like I hadn't tried to trust him with that part of me.”

“Except he didn’t forget, did he? He just acted like he did.”

“Yeah. All year. But then last weekend...” Mike gestured hopelessly.

“Will kissed you.”

“Yeah.”

“So what happened last weekend?”

“After I got in that fight with Jake, I stormed off to the front of the house to get some air. When I got outside Will was sitting out there all by himself. And I was just... so happy to see him there. I was really drunk and I wasn’t thinking clearly. I forgot that we hadn’t really been alone together in ages. I forgot that we had that fight last year. I just saw Will sitting there and it made me so happy. When we were kids and I was angry or sad, I would go tell Will everything and he would always listen to me. He was always there for me, y'know? For a moment my mind just decided to forget we had any awkward stuff going on, and I felt like everything was good. That everything was great like it used to be.

So. Will was just sitting there with a little paper cup filled with vodka, sitting on the wooden steps up to the house and with his feet stretched out over the sidewalk. He smelled so bad. I hate the smell of vodka, and it was all over him. That’s what I told him when I sat down. Yea, I know. Stupid way to start talking to someone that might already not want to talk to me. But I said that, and then I asked if he wanted me to get some water from inside. He laughed, and said that he hated vodka too. He said that he hated it because it reminded him of his dad. And then he said he hates everything because of his dad.

I told him he was being stupid, and that he shouldn’t let his dad ruin everything. I tried to take the cup out of his hands, but he gripped it tighter and I guess I just really wanted to take it from him so I ended up ripping it away, but I dropped it and it rolled under the steps and splashed all over his jeans. I was about to freak out and apologize for being stupid and offer to get him another one even though he definitely didn't need it, but then Will leaned over and… and he kissed me. And I just sat there not knowing what I should do. I’d wanted to kiss him for so long. So many times. And this was it. This was our kiss. After a year of not talking about our fight. A year of feeling super confused and upset. I didn’t know why he was doing it. Why he was kissing me after… how he reacted last year.”

Mike took a sip of water. Robin could see that Mike was getting emotionally exhausted at this point. She opened her arms a bit and tilted her head, inviting Mike to give her a hug.

Mike wrapped his arms around her immediately, and buried his runny nose in her shoulder. He sniffled, realizing what he just did, and then turned his head to the side apologetically.

“Sorry about the boogers.”

“Ugh. You should be. You're absolutely disgusting.”

Mike laughed, embarrassed. But he didn’t let go, and Robin didn’t push him away either. He could stay there as long as he wanted. Or at least until her back started to hurt and she needed to stretch.

“So. What happened next?”

Mike tensed. Robin could tell he was getting upset again, and almost told him it was okay if he didn't want to keep talking about it, but decided against it. He clearly needed to let this stuff out.

“Well. I was confused, but then I got really mad. After all the bullshit he said to me last year and then him just pretending like it never happened? So I... I shoved him away. I shoved him really, really hard and he hit his head on the railing. It’s made of metal. It probably really hurt. I… probably really hurt him, Robin. And he should have been angry. He should have cursed me out just like he did last year, or something. But he just sat there. He didn’t look back at me at all. He just sat there with his hand on the back of his head, and he looked out at the street. He didn’t say anything. Maybe he didn’t know how to react either. And then I… I got up and I just... left? I left him there and I went back into the house and I locked myself in the bathroom until everyone else at the party had left. I’ve never, ever hurt him like that before. And I didn't even stay to make sure he was okay. I just abandoned him. I'm a bad friend. I'm a horrible person. He must hate me so much.”

Mike sobbed into Robin’s shoulder. Robin pulled him closer, and held on to him tighter so he knew she was listening.

“Shh. It’s okay. You didn’t mean to hurt him. You were surprised. You didn’t mean for him to hit his head like that, you just didn’t want him kissing you. You didn’t do anything wrong. He didn’t ask you first or anything. He really sh...”

“I’ve only ever… I never hurt him like that before. We’ve only ever t- touched each other to... we used to hold each other when we were really scared. When he was scared I would hold his hand when we were kids. I didn’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to hurt him, Robin. Why did I hurt him?”

“Shh. He’s okay, alright? He’s gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay.”

Mike shook his head, and kept crying.

Robin sighed. Mike wasn’t being fair to himself, but he was too tired to reason with. He was totally shot. She needed to calm him down. Thank god the diner was nearly empty except for the waiter and the cooking staff. The waiter had mysteriously disappeared from the bar over a half-hour ago. Robin suspected he had left in order to give them more privacy. She was grateful for that. At this point Mike looked like a total basket case. He wouldn’t want to be seen like this.

“Hey. Mike. I promise everything is going to be okay.”

“That’s total bullshit! You can’t know that.”

“Yes I can."

Nice, Robin. Go ahead and lie to the kid. Good job.

"Now, look. You, uh... I think our hug messed your hair up a teeny bit. Go fix your hair in the bathroom mirror and I’ll get the check.”

Robin looked Mike up and down. Jesus. His eyes were red and puffy. He had a bit of saliva on the corner of his mouth that he probably wasn’t aware of. He'd nervously bitten the left side of his lip bloody. (Must be a nervous habit.) His freckled cheeks were wet with tears. His hair was definitely the least of his worries, but she didn’t want to embarrass him.

"Okay."

Robin nodded with satisfaction as Mike dragged his feet towards the paint-chipped door in the back of the restaurant.

God, what a night.

At least Mike had been able to talk. To let all of that pain out. All of those feelings. Robin hoped that she hadn't screwed things up too royally. She also hoped that she wouldn't be proven a no-good rotten liar.

Everything would be okay. It had to be.

She'd make damn sure of it.

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this scenario in my head for a while and I wanted to finally write it down. Originally I imagined this fic as a one-shot, but I feel bad leaving things unresolved between Mike and Will even though in my heart I know that things will eventually work out between them and that their feelings for each other are mutual. I might write another chapter at some point in the future. We'll see. (This is the first fanfiction I've written in over ten years, believe it or not.) Let me know what you think! Thanks for reading.


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